Depression is funny...and I don't mean humorous, though it can be. Depression makes you abandon your interests, your values, the people that love you.
You sit at the bottom of a pit, just you and the dark. Sometimes a little light peeks in, and you see just how sad you are. The phone rings, and you don't answer. You don't want to...you just want to sit with your gloomy friend, who doesn't want to share you.
This has been my existence for the past year plus. It hasn't been that way ALL the time, but a lot of it. I've done stupid things in the name of depression. I've gotten most of the way out of the pit, only to fall back in.
I don't mean to be a downer, but this is the explanation for not keeping up on my blog.
Now, I've decided to make a return. I have tools to help me, and people to take my hand, if I just ask. That's hard for me to do. I've done damage to relationships and often don't feel I have the right to ask for anything.
However, this week has shown me that life is still worth celebrating. We have a new president, and even as bad as things are, I can tell people are hopeful. There are smiles from strangers on the street. The gallows humor is dissipating.
It's not going to be easy, not the economy, not the depression. We will stand on the edge and wonder if we should just let gravity pull us back into the pit. It feels so much easier, so comfortable to be with our gloomy friend.
Fight it. It will be worth it. I promise.